Major Offensive

I cleared away the pesky sweet gum yesterday for a major assault on the Privet stronghold this morning. I don't think the Privet know what is to befall them. As I cut away the sweet gum, I made sure not to look in the direction of the Privet, that alone should lull them into a sense of security. We are locked and loaded. Chain saws, bow saws, limb shearers. The weak of stomach might want to turn away when the pitch of battle reaches its height. It will not be pretty. To seal the fate of the Privet, I've hooked up the chipper to the tractor and strategically positioned it to make quick work of the stubborn enemy. A quick and decisive slash with a chanin saw, a fast dissection, then into the chipper. Before the Privet know what hit them, they will be mulch for the garden. Whipping out this core of Privet strength, the scattered Privet will be easy prey. Without leadership from the center, an army quickly falls into disarray.

This is the "shock and awe" of the Privet War. On the edge of battle, I feel the nervous twitch of a warrior, ready for the sap-letting. The cause is just. The enemy is easily identifiable. The weapons of war are prepared and ready for action. Failure to prevail rewrites history, something I will not allow.

For oaks, hickories, maples, pines, and poplars! Destroy the foreign horde! Be of one mind, victory is ours!