I took my camera along this morning to give you an idea of the difference it makes to eradicate the nasty bush. The shots are taken during the mop up phase of the Battle at Garden Spot. After removing most of the enemy from the area, there were a few stragglers hanging on at the margins. In the first picture, here is the enemy, the despicable privet. Doesn’t look notorious, does it? Don’t be fooled. This rascal is about 12’ tall and has roots that spawn new privet in every direction. Each trunk is 2-3” in circumference. I have encountered privet with trunks as large as 15-18”. The problem privet poses is that it drapes over lower growing vegetation and deprives light. Hence, an invasive species that is destructive to natives.
After a little work and some hand-to-hand, the privet is gone. Lo and behold, what is this? A black cherry tree managed to survive the suffocating privet. This one was a joyful surprise. The black cherry is a native. This one has a nice shape and is about 8’ tall. In the spring it has little white flowers. In summer, it produces bitter cherries. According to my tree book, this species was one of the first New World trees transplanted to England, in 1629. The third picture is a close-up of the black cherry. That discovery justified the effort required to remove the privet.
When the dust settles, here is result – a big pile of chips. The chipper makes the job considerably easier. Plus, I like the instant justice that can be delivered on the spot. Psychologically, I like to chip the fallen in full view of the remaining privet, just so they know that I am serious and their fate will soon follow suit. I probably should not be laughing hideously as I stuff the privet in the chipper. I just can’t help myself.
I believe what you have is defined as OCPD. Obsessive/Compulsive Privet Disorder... defined as an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts that produce anxiety, by repetitive behaviors aimed at reducing anxiety, or by a combination of such thoughts or obsessions and behaviors or compulsions which manifest themselves in destruction of privet hedges. Symptoms may include repetitive destruction of privet hedges (either on your property or in Sanford Stadium); extensive hoarding of chipping devices, axes and chain saws; preoccupation with unnatural hedge sculpting, or with particular religious beliefs; aversion to odd hedge shapes; and nervous habits, such as constant checking to see if the hedge is still growing, checking to see if the chain saw still works, opening and closing the door of an airstream trailer before actually using it. These symptoms can be alienating and time-consuming, and often cause severe emotional loss and pervasive loss of privet hedges. Those displaying symptoms of OCPD are advised to turn the chipper off for a day or two and head to LaGrange for alcohol or seek the counsel of the Old Goat who will straighten your ass out right quick with a proportionate amount of grease laden foods and continuous viewing Hee Haw reruns (see Hee Haw rerun side effects).
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